There's no magic ... I tell you... I need magic!

The last month I have spent first reading the book Dear John, then getting teary eyed while obsessively watching movie trailers on you tube and finally resorting to watching step up clips on you tube ... because well... seriously... channing tatum just makes me feel all sparkly in that movie! So we have now established that dear john has been my life for the last month... and I was waiting on pins and needles to see this movie. However there was a little voice in the back of my head telling me this movie was not going to be good, mostly because the book lacked that special spark between the main characters... and I mean really whos ever heard of a movie being better than the book. I mean really can anything live up to that moment in the notebook when Noah says..."it's wasn't over... its still not over!" And then of course we all know what happens then ... a desperate housewifes ultimate fantasy... give me a minute... i'm reliving the magic in my memory..."sigh"... But seriously what does a girl have if she doesn't have hope?? So i held onto that still small hope that somehow this movie would take me away... as in "cowboy take me away"... sorry i'm getting carried away... Anyways... so the big night finally arrived to see my beloved john... and boy was I ready... a bestie... kleenex... diet coke... heath bar ... and carmel corn... (listen it's rare that I go to see a romance movie so when i go I do it up right!) and all of my inner romantic notions ready to be brought to life on the big screen ... listen I was fully prepared to slobber and snot and snort all over anyone with in a five foot radius of myself ... but I tell you I had to resort to poking myself in the eye in hopes of starting the waterworks and even that couldn't produce one single solitary tear... Where was the magic between John and Savannah?? I mean really who couldn't have magic with that man onscreen. But i am telling you I found myself wondering why I hadn't auditioned for that movie ... I assure you my friends I would have brought the magic... with all the fantasies and I daydreams I have built up over my desperate housewife career... I would have had some seriously pent up aggressions to let out if you know what i'm saying... I mean who can deny a wounded (physically and emotionally), cynical bad boy... who just needs a good woman to put him back together?
Whats a desperate housewife to do when she can't even count on a good old fashioned romance movie to give her all those sparkly, tingly magical feelings... I'll tell you what she's to do ... get a bottle of mascato... put the babies to bed... watch the movie step up and then top of the night with a good romance novel!

Be Careful LIttle Ears What You Hear

One of my many vices as a desperate housewife is R and B music... my children have also grown quite fond of it... we all love to shake our grove thing! Please do not judge me... yes the music is usually based on inappropriate themes but for the last seven years I have just told myself that the kids are to young to pick up on any of the hanky-panky going on in the music... tonight my opinion has changed... we just finished dancing to a great dance song when suddenly the song birthday sex came on... and seriously who names a song birthday sex anyways... it's obviously the mans birthday... because no wifey would be singing about birthday sex... we would be singing birthday shopping! Anyways the song was only on long enough for it to say birthday sex and I immediately turned it... who knew that in that five second time period my three year old would pick out that line... she immediately says to me ..." mommy we are going to have birthday sticks" and of course I try to change the subject, I even resort to lying (bad mommy) ... I told her oh yes we are going to have a birthday six ... that happens when you turn six (very uncreative ... but thats all I could come up with on such short notice) of course she's much quicker then me and she says "no mommy birthday sticks... thats what the music said" and I said "oh... they were talking about the birthday sticks meaning candles for the birthday cake... " she continues to argue with me... and I realize this is a losing battle I need to just ignore her and hope that she forgets all about that by tommorrow... or we will just have to add that to the list of things she will need to seek counseling for as an adult! From now on I believe I will keep my booty shaking music to myself because that could get quite awkward if she starts singing birthday sticks in public!!

I Come From A Long Line of Crazies!!!

I have had a moment of enlightenment... I come by my parenting skills honestly, my mother is as zany as I am. All these years I have believed that the forces were set against me and that I am the only one that has everything go wrong every time I attempt an outing with my children. I have been amazingly blessed this last month in the fact that my dearest mommy has come to rescue me from this zoo that I live in. She has actually agreed to stay for three weeks (not that we had to beg or anything ... she was practically paying me to let her come! :) ) ! I reach the ultimate state of zen when my mom comes, miraculously all of my laundry is washed and folded... my kids are fed every morning with zero effort on my part... they are also put to bed at night ... time alone... shopping trips... endless date nights...well you get the picture, pretty much I am on vacation when mommy comes. I look forward to this time in my life for months ahead of time... we actually get on the grandma countdown. So all of that background to expand upon my moment of enlightment... it all began the night my mom insists that Garrett and I have a date night... We left about 6:30 with no plan in mind ... we had no idea what to do with ourselves when there weren't any children involved! Grandma Sue and the kids were settled in for the night ... she thought all was well... she had them lovingly snuggled in their jammies watching Jungle book as a night- night movie and dreamt of herself putting them to bed early and having a relaxing evening with hgtv. Suddenly the doorbell rings and there stands My dearest Mindy... she left her kids in the car while she checked to see if we were home... Grandma sue made the mistake of suggesting that the kids could run out to mindy's car and say hi... well, grandma suzy shut the door behind her and oopsies the door locked instantaneously! So here they are 6 kids one mom... one grandma and no way into my house! Of course Hunter picks the perfect moment to announce that he has to go potty and nooooo.... he doesn't want to make this easy... he says he has to go poopy, so there my mom is holding hunter in a perfect squatting position in my yard and trying to think of ways she could make a hole in the ground to bury the poop. Let's see ... I could use a stick... nope that's not going to work.... ohohoh I know... I think there was a shovel in the back... nope its not there anymore... looks like I am going to have to use my hands... saved by the bell... hunter announces that it was a false alarm he no longer has to go poopy! PHEW! THat was a close call... but wait whats that on the sidewalk I see... hunter dropped a turd... it's the magically appearing turd... my mom is still contemplating how this happened ... on the sidewalk and all the kids are freaking out... seriously are you kidding me it's not like they've never seen poop before so my mom kicks it away... can't wait till I find that little surprise in my landscape someday! So at this point it's getting late and mindy tries going to the group home next door to use their phone to call me but cannot remember my number... she then goes to another neighbors house who I carpool with and tries to get my number from her... well nikki doesn't have my number either so they are calling everyone in fortwayne who they think might have my number and lucky for them no one was home... luckily my neighbor nikki was kind enough to let my mom stay until we got home and put all my kids to bed for me at her house... its fortunate that we don't get out much because we were ready to call it a night around 10... Imagine our surprise to come home and find a note from nikki saying my family was at her house! Anyways we got a great laugh out of that whole debacle and I realized that I need to except who I am and realize I come from a long line of zany mothers... don't fight it embrace it! Seriously people need people like me to entertain them with my ridiculous escapades!

Am I being Punished???

You know when you are 16 and you feel that the whole world is against you and you vow to never forget what it was like to be a teenager... so that you can relate to your children someday when they are going through those same critical teenage years. Well... I find I am feeling that way about raising toddlers... I don't ever want to forget how my life has been turned upside down by them... who knew toddlers had such devious minds??? Sometimes I think they plot against me telepathically... is that possible? Either that or they have top secret sign language down to a science. Back to my point though ... which started several lines back... I am vowing as I type to never forget what it's like to be a mother and that when my girls become mothers one day and my son becomes a father I will have all of my greatest stories recorded as proof that you can raise children and live to tell about it. So... starting tonight I give you one of my greatest stories entitled simply... Blockbuster, My Arch Nemesis:

It all started when I came up with the brilliant idea of taking the kids to Buffalo Wild Wings... anyone who has parented three toddlers (ages 4, 2 1/2 and 11 months) realizes already that I must have temporarily gone insane... anyways so we are at B W's and Hunter who is 2 1/2 of course is going back and forth under the table and I'm trying to trap him with my legs and just sit him still...(impossible!) he finally decides to sit by mommy like a good boy (quick break for sigh of relief... ahhh) ... when he suddenly notices that I have a terriaki sauce in front of me and he wants to try it... I'm just thinking, anything to entertain this wild child... he takes one taste of the sauce and instantly throws up everywhere... and wouldn't you know ... mid barf the waiter walks up to drop off the french fries...(mmmm...yummy...perfect timing) now as I'm gagging I wipe up all of hunty's afternoon snack that has been spread across our table in one projectile path! We then settle down again and he seems to be doing well and he decides to go ahead and eat his dinner... luckily that stayed down! The rest of the meal went ok (or as well as it can while you are constantly catching flying plates off the table... but luckily with my cat like reflexes I have perfected this task)! We decided then to end our dinner out with a game to win a bouncy ball... all went well until after Hunter played the golf game and lost, he realized he really wanted to play the lovey game (as he called it)... oh you know what happens next... he starts screaming at the top of his lungs... somehow in some supermom move ... that I am sure I could never replicate again... I ran like the wind with three squirming children ... two tucked under my arm in a football hold and the other dangling around my waist and in between my legs at the same time... I'm not quite sure on the logistics of that move but desperate times call for desperate measures... I finally get everyone buckled down (slight pause for deep cleansing breath... in through the nose out through the mouth) I then thought to myself... I would love to get a movie for tonight ... so again I make the insane decision to take all the kids to blockbuster (Seriously?). This is where the fun really begins... they did well for about the first 2 mins until their horns decided to make an appearance (in case you miss my meaning...their devil horns!) Hunty started running up and down the kids section pulling all of the movies off of the shelves... as if this weren't exciting enough Sadey suddenly exclaims that she has to use the bathroom... but as I always do I asked her if she could hold it until we get home (and I tell you I asked that for a logical reason, my daughter has an unhealthy obsession with using public restrooms, I have no idea the why behind it, but every time we leave the house, even if I am pumping gas she has desperate heart felt longings to sit her little tushy on their toilet seat, I have heard of a foot fetish and thought that was a bit awkward and slightly weird, but seriously a toilet seat fetish? and secondly it is pure torture taking three kids and myself into one bathroom stall) anyways she decided she could hold it... not even thirty seconds later she is hunched over holding onto the shelving unit and bouncing up and down at a very high rate of speed... yelling this..."OH NO MOMMY... OH NO... I'M GETTING DRIPS... OH NO DRIP DROPS RIGHT NOW ... OH MOMMY ... OH MOMMY ... I HAVE BIG DRIP DROPS.... I CAN'T HOLD IT ... OH MOMMY I JUST PEE PEED IN MY PANTS... if you can believe it she peed so much that it actually pooled around her feet on the carpet of blockbuster... there are people all around us at this point mainly because she announced to the whole store that she was going to pee on the floor... so what did I do I just made her stand there until the evidence was absorbed into the carpet (all i can claim at this point was a temporary lapse in my sanity... when i saw the pee my brain simply could not come up with any logical solution ... aside from letting absorb into the carpet and acting like nothing had happened)! And just to top the night... at this point Hunter decides its his turn to get a little attention... so he starts screaming at the top of his lungs that he wants a movie... after this the night becomes kind of a blur ... I believe a picked up all three children at once and drug them to the car (another supermom move using my catlike reflexes never to be replicated)... where Hunter decided to run away from me in the parking lot... everyone in the parking lot is staring at us while I throw my screaming child into his car seat and slam the door so hard I thought it might fall off ... I wanted to yell to our audience... WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!!!! Anyways we finally made it home , my children are now safely in bed and I am going to check myself into a psychiatric ward!!!

(I am including a picture of my three angels as they were at the time of this story so you can get a bigger picture of what I was up against!)

Shoot... I forgot the best part in my last blog...

I found this Mojito Pie recipe... seriously I am so excited ... I just had to do a little blog to voice my excitement... this is a little piece of heaven that my the three animals that live with me also lovingly referred to as my children cannot take away from me... I will have my pie! A Slice of this pie will be my path to serenity... all you mothers out there know what I am talking about, after I have been the eternal diplomat between three children (seriously who even knew I could be this patient before I had children)... answered at least 5000 why questions between 7 am and 8 am, answered the question "can I play the wii yet?" at least fifty times, cleaned poopy foot prints off the floor (how one gets both feet covered in poop... is still a mystery), attempted to go to walmart with three children (which could turn any saint to the eviler side of life), stubbed my toe on countless matchbox cars, refolded all of child number three's clothes for the fifth time this morning (she's trying to set the world record for how many outfits a person can wear in one day), listened to troy and gabriella sing can I have this dance for the 1 millionth time ( i must say I do love that song though), and last but not least gone to my back door for the 500th time because my dog is barking incessently only to have her run away every time I get near the door (I warn my thoughts are turning quite dark towards our dog.)... now that you can picture what frame of mind I am in... I have a one track mind... mmmm... my pie? Because I for once want to be incredibly selfish I will tiptoe into the kitchen like a thief in the night grab a fork... grab my pie... slide down the refrigerator door until I am sitting on the floor ... savoring my beloved piece of heaven and sigh... ohhhhhh yesssssss....

Go big or Go home!!! Is there any other way?

Wow ... I have almost let an entire year go by since the last time I blogged... I vow I am going to be more diligent with blogging from now on, after all how can i embrace my go big or go home theme for my 28th year of life if I neglect my blogging goals.
So first on my list for blogging aside from letting this be a place to proclaim all of my most outrageous child rearing stories.... I want to start posting my families menus for the month. I want to be more conscious of our grocery budget and what we are eating, and I always love the mom blogs where they post there own family menus... so here is my menu for June... just as a side note I only cook three family dinners a week because of my husbands work schedule...
Mondays-
Hearty Penne Beef Golden Chix with Rice Turkey Meatball Subs
Salad Steamed Broccoli Salad
Tuesdays-
Sausage and Beans with Rice Oregano Roasting Chix Pasta With Sausage
Cornbread Roasted Potatoes and peppers
Steamed Broccoli Carrots Garlic Bread
Thursdays-
Family Pleasing Pizza Tortilla Vegetable soup Chix chili and cheese
Fruit Salad Corn Bread enchiladas
Mexican Rice
salad

We recently...(within the last 6 months) started a small group with a very random group of people... most of which we did not know. We all had two things in common a desperation to love God more and a need to move on from the typically Sunday view of church. We have struggled for a few months to find our place and are still working through that. Each week we learn more about eachother ... and I have come to know some incredibly real people!
After we concluded last night , Hunter came to me and said mommy... were you talking about Jesus?? I love those kinds of questions, I hope and pray that my kids will always be sensitive to things of Jesus.